ATTN: Creepy 50 year olds with mustaches...

Last night I went to meet my dear gal-pal Zina at Welcome to the Johnsons (if you aren't familiar with the delightful Lower East Side bar, you must go...$3 Stellas at Happy Hour, HOLLA!).
Zina was all like "YO JEN, It might be like 30 minutes before I get there" and I was all like "No problem, I have The Onion and am totally cool sitting by myself for awhile up at the bar"

That is when Creepy McGee 1 and Creepy McGee 2 sat on either sides of me:
Creepy McGee 1 was maybe kind of slow and lonely and old...so I excused his annoying tried banter, but Creepy McGee 2 was NOT slow and had no excuse for annoying me, forcing me to make a fake call on my cellphone.

Here is the scenario:
Jen sits reading newspaper (code for don't talk to me), drinking Stella, and glances occasionally at HOTTIE MCGEE across the room.
Mustache sits down to my right and leans over to me.
Mustache- if you like him you should go say hi
I ignore him.
Mustache- if you like him you should go say hello
Jen- Excuse me?
Mustache- I saw you glace at him about 8x a minute, about 6 girls in here have been staring at him, he must have something special
Jen- (wanting to vomit on him) Oh yah hehe, he's cute
Mustache- See I pick up on these things b/c I am a psychologist...
Jen goes back to reading paper immediatly...and NORMAL person would understand I don't want to talk anymore.
Mustache- yep....my sons are 16 & 18, they have hair like that, all crazy in their face BAHAHAHHAA
Jen- yep, that's the style I guess (as I continue to look at paper)
2 minutes pass.
Mustache- My son brought this girl home he was dating, I thought she was 21, but turns out she was 16!! BAHAHAHA, you just can't tell anymore. She looked so old.
Jen- Yep, girls look older now
2 minutes pass.
Mustache- Man, can't believe it is Friday.....I feel like Just yesterday I was saying the same thing. BAHAHAHA....................................man, I can't believe Sunday is March 1, feels like I just just saying 'Happy New Year!' BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jen gives quick smile then starts texting anyone she knows to make herself look busy...
as soon as he leaves Creepy McGee 2 starts telling me about ..... I dont' even remember....
it was painful.

Lesson:
have some friggin intuition...it is pretty obvious if a girl doesn't want to talk to you...especially if she is young enough to be your daughter.
and don't touch girls' hair in the bar either....(that goes to Drunk Irish McGee last weekend at the pub)